Today this man came to our school, his names is Nick Vujicic. The awe inspiring man with no limbs.
Our Religion teacher spoke non stop about him and after watching a little bit about him i decided that i would go to the hall at lunch and see him speak. I am not a highly religious person, though i would desperately like to believe that there is someone out there watching over us.
When he first got up, he joked around and he was really funny. He looked like he didn't have a care in the world. Then when he spoke for the first time about his lack of limbs, he looked confident yet i still felt he had this lurking sadness underneath it all.
He began to tell us about how he would be taunted and teased relentlessly and all it took was one person to tell him how nice he was and he started to feel better.
He went on to say how we are our own people, that we shouldn't care about what other people say and that we must never discourage someone because you are taking someones courage away, you are taking away their strength to live.
He spoke about how we should never tease becuase we don't know what is going on in that persons life and we might be the last person to push them over the edge. We can choose to become a killer or a saver.
We are loved, we are beautiful and we don't need the sex, the alcohol, the money, the drugs and the posers to help us get ride of our pains and weaknesses because none of that will heal a broken heart. We don't need a boyfriend for us to be strong. If someone truly loves you, they will always wait for you.
Tears just slid down my cheeks as i was filled with all this really strong emotion.
I got up at the end i hugged him so hard, i told him how greatful i was. He looked at me and told me he loved me. I started to cry again and he just let me hug him again. Then i ran.
And i have been thinking. All this time i look up to people like the amazing Mel Gibson and Taylor Swift. yes, they were both amazing, but were they amazing people. I don't know.
This man who gets by everyday and insists on saving people and letting young people like myself know that we will be ok and that when we fall the only thing we can do is to get back up and take things one step at a time.
He is the ideal role of a leader, of a true role model.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Sleepover at the zoo
Ok so to be right up front, i am not a nature kind of person.
Being over night at the zoo is not really my idea of fun but it was kinda ok.
i decided to make up with the girl i have been ignoring, not because i like her or because i feel better about her constant bitching about me behind my back but i am so sick of the constant death stares.
I walked up to her in front of everybody, hoping this would be safer and said "Alayna.."
and she gave me this look that could have turned the happiest person's insides to liquids and said "I don't want to talk to you right now"
Ok so i will admit that i started this but she keeps telling everyone how she wished i would just talk to her and i finally did and she has turned ice bitch. People have also been telling me how guilty she has been feeling well obviously that it is not true either. God...I actually think that Alayna is just scared to back down, well i guess i kind of pity her in a way.
I am just glad i have some really good friends. I owe them the world
Had to babysit those kids again today and i got thrown up on. I just love kids, really!
Mum has decided to go all anti-privacy and dad has clued in on the fact that my bad moods only happen at home. Grandad shouldn't be here and i am tired as hell so i think i may sign off and go to bed....after i have watched Supernatural
xox
Being over night at the zoo is not really my idea of fun but it was kinda ok.
i decided to make up with the girl i have been ignoring, not because i like her or because i feel better about her constant bitching about me behind my back but i am so sick of the constant death stares.
I walked up to her in front of everybody, hoping this would be safer and said "Alayna.."
and she gave me this look that could have turned the happiest person's insides to liquids and said "I don't want to talk to you right now"
Ok so i will admit that i started this but she keeps telling everyone how she wished i would just talk to her and i finally did and she has turned ice bitch. People have also been telling me how guilty she has been feeling well obviously that it is not true either. God...I actually think that Alayna is just scared to back down, well i guess i kind of pity her in a way.
I am just glad i have some really good friends. I owe them the world
Had to babysit those kids again today and i got thrown up on. I just love kids, really!
Mum has decided to go all anti-privacy and dad has clued in on the fact that my bad moods only happen at home. Grandad shouldn't be here and i am tired as hell so i think i may sign off and go to bed....after i have watched Supernatural
xox
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
Motherhood
aujourd'hui...(today....)
Today i had like the most boring classes and it was a pretty dull day but i picked up another Jodi Piccoult book so thats good.
Then this arvo i went to my neighbours and was babysitting her kids in return for tutoring lessons. This probably won't come as a suprise to you but i'll tell you anyway. I hate kids, infact i am terrified of them and so this arvo, mostly evrything was ok until the 7 month one started to scream and cry and i was doing all that i could and then the other one (3 years) went off aswell. The dad took the three year old away and bathed him while i held the screaming one that was drooling all over my knee.
When i finally got out of there i was so scared and stressed beyond belief
I was walking around thinking there is no freaking way i will ever become a mother ever!
I think maybe i will just pay instead. Thats how bad i am with kids.
Dinner with grandpa now (YAY...not)
God why the hell is he still here?
Sincerely, the girl who needs to get away.
Today i had like the most boring classes and it was a pretty dull day but i picked up another Jodi Piccoult book so thats good.
Then this arvo i went to my neighbours and was babysitting her kids in return for tutoring lessons. This probably won't come as a suprise to you but i'll tell you anyway. I hate kids, infact i am terrified of them and so this arvo, mostly evrything was ok until the 7 month one started to scream and cry and i was doing all that i could and then the other one (3 years) went off aswell. The dad took the three year old away and bathed him while i held the screaming one that was drooling all over my knee.
When i finally got out of there i was so scared and stressed beyond belief
I was walking around thinking there is no freaking way i will ever become a mother ever!
I think maybe i will just pay instead. Thats how bad i am with kids.
Dinner with grandpa now (YAY...not)
God why the hell is he still here?
Sincerely, the girl who needs to get away.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Not coping...
Today was not good at all...
It starts off with me arriving at school early and seeing a friend (who aint a friend any more) hanging out with the bitch who is making me look like a horrible bitch. I feel sick when i think about how all those people think of me as a reject now. Dad and mum aren't talking to me because i was so cold shoulder last night. I am not coping well with the fact that i don't have enough on to be noticed, my drama doesn't require a parent always there and public speaking is over etc. They only ever speak about my sisters and how great they are. They don't include me in any conversations. NObody asks me how my day was but when it comes to my sisters it's the opposite. Then my school having this sleepover at the zoo and we all need a buddy and mine is my BF, but she let me know this morning that she will be in the Blue mountains. I burst into tears. It was an entire build up.
I got over it and pulled it together. I did well in NAPlAN. But nobody has asked me about it.
Mum picked me up from school at 5:30 and we had to pick up sister 2 at 6:30. She didn't come out until 6:50. Usually this wouldn't be so bad, i mean last week she didn't come out until 7:30. But i have just started tutoring and i have to be there by 7:30 and i still have to eat dinner and have a shower and it takes 20 minutes to get home.
I am so sick of ending up second tier, to everyone for that matter.
I feel really neglected and i can't help feeling ashamed because what if i am just looking for attention?
I need someone who will just listen to me
Yeah people listen, but are they really? Are they actually watching my lips move and hear sound come out or are they thinking about what they had for dinner last night.
This is precisely why i started this blog. So i could let all this stuff out and not feel too guilty about wighing someone else down with my stupid issues.
It starts off with me arriving at school early and seeing a friend (who aint a friend any more) hanging out with the bitch who is making me look like a horrible bitch. I feel sick when i think about how all those people think of me as a reject now. Dad and mum aren't talking to me because i was so cold shoulder last night. I am not coping well with the fact that i don't have enough on to be noticed, my drama doesn't require a parent always there and public speaking is over etc. They only ever speak about my sisters and how great they are. They don't include me in any conversations. NObody asks me how my day was but when it comes to my sisters it's the opposite. Then my school having this sleepover at the zoo and we all need a buddy and mine is my BF, but she let me know this morning that she will be in the Blue mountains. I burst into tears. It was an entire build up.
I got over it and pulled it together. I did well in NAPlAN. But nobody has asked me about it.
Mum picked me up from school at 5:30 and we had to pick up sister 2 at 6:30. She didn't come out until 6:50. Usually this wouldn't be so bad, i mean last week she didn't come out until 7:30. But i have just started tutoring and i have to be there by 7:30 and i still have to eat dinner and have a shower and it takes 20 minutes to get home.
I am so sick of ending up second tier, to everyone for that matter.
I feel really neglected and i can't help feeling ashamed because what if i am just looking for attention?
I need someone who will just listen to me
Yeah people listen, but are they really? Are they actually watching my lips move and hear sound come out or are they thinking about what they had for dinner last night.
This is precisely why i started this blog. So i could let all this stuff out and not feel too guilty about wighing someone else down with my stupid issues.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Find someone to love
When i decided to leave my group i did it without saying anything you know, to avoid a huge confrontation and i left it at that. The people in that group think that this is a small fight that will only last a week or two but i think its only just starting to register to them that this isn't the case. I'm in this for the long haul. I was sick of putting up with the crap that went on in that group and i wasn't going to stand for it anylonger and for godsakes, that should be good enough and they should really stop rehashing old shit and get over it.
Oh god. One of the girls that originally left the group with me decided to go back and sell me out to them and tell them everything i had said.
"When you walk my way, hope it gives you hell"
Nobody seems to understand why i left and they all really pay me out about it. But i have explained so many times that i would go home everyday miserable after sitting with them because i couldn't be myself and it was just a really poisonous group. how many times do i have to tell them that i don't want to sort things out, i don't want to go back and sit there. I am well shot of the poison.
Then i come homefrom school and dad is beaming because sister 3 won all her tennis matches on the weekend and mum spent all weekend at sister 2's eistedfodd. I sound like a jealous idiot but it would just be so nice if maybe i was mentioned even once at the dinner table or maybe once somebody asked how my day was or what i like to do?
I'm an almost straight A student, I'm an exemplary student who is involved in all activities at school, i am liked by lots of people (except a few!) and i am a really good drama student. Mum wouldn't dare looking for an agent or trying to book me into some singing lessons but she will go and search for hours for sister 2's costumes and $800 tutus.
Grandad was all like "You're such a moody kid aren't ya?"
I almost killed someone. I didn't have the best day today and then here he is, in our house, eating our food and taking up our couch, talking non stop about his weekend, his holidays and how fantastic my two sister are. It's like i am not there.
I sound like such an attention seeking bitch who cares only about herself. Don't get me wrong i love my sisters and i am so glad they do well, but i would just love it if just once i got a mention in a convo or someone said something nice about me at the dinner table.
I wish dad looked at me with as much pride as he does my sisters.
I wish he loved me.
Oh god. One of the girls that originally left the group with me decided to go back and sell me out to them and tell them everything i had said.
"When you walk my way, hope it gives you hell"
Nobody seems to understand why i left and they all really pay me out about it. But i have explained so many times that i would go home everyday miserable after sitting with them because i couldn't be myself and it was just a really poisonous group. how many times do i have to tell them that i don't want to sort things out, i don't want to go back and sit there. I am well shot of the poison.
Then i come homefrom school and dad is beaming because sister 3 won all her tennis matches on the weekend and mum spent all weekend at sister 2's eistedfodd. I sound like a jealous idiot but it would just be so nice if maybe i was mentioned even once at the dinner table or maybe once somebody asked how my day was or what i like to do?
I'm an almost straight A student, I'm an exemplary student who is involved in all activities at school, i am liked by lots of people (except a few!) and i am a really good drama student. Mum wouldn't dare looking for an agent or trying to book me into some singing lessons but she will go and search for hours for sister 2's costumes and $800 tutus.
Grandad was all like "You're such a moody kid aren't ya?"
I almost killed someone. I didn't have the best day today and then here he is, in our house, eating our food and taking up our couch, talking non stop about his weekend, his holidays and how fantastic my two sister are. It's like i am not there.
I sound like such an attention seeking bitch who cares only about herself. Don't get me wrong i love my sisters and i am so glad they do well, but i would just love it if just once i got a mention in a convo or someone said something nice about me at the dinner table.
I wish dad looked at me with as much pride as he does my sisters.
I wish he loved me.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Ever feel like you're on your own?
I don't know
It's weird but i am good friends with this really popular girl and when i get boring she seems to move on and forget about me until i have something new to say. It kinda hurts so i am always thinking but she is a really good friend to me when she wants...i guess.
I called the hot guy from drama today and of course he didn't pick up, probably too busy making out with his on/off GF.
Sometimes i get this feeling that maybe people would be better off if i wasn't around, i mean my dad doesn't think much of me and i am always getting the feeling that maybe i let him down a lot by being the smart, drama one instead of a soccer, sports type of girl who wants to learn how to drive a wicked fast car instead of being driven around like the princess i am.
Then there are my so called friends who seem to pick me up and then drop me again like a hot tamale when it suits them and what they don't realise is that it hurts, it hurts not to belong somewhere anymore, as much as i love it, it's also really difficult.
Maybe i am just feeling a little blue, maybe i am just complaining.
Mothers day was a success and she looked pretty happy so i am glad for that
I reallllllly want to go and see this film "ghosts of girlfriends past" which i think will be pretty cool, anyways, just watched this film "Sweet home Alabama" which was a really cute film.
It's weird but i am good friends with this really popular girl and when i get boring she seems to move on and forget about me until i have something new to say. It kinda hurts so i am always thinking but she is a really good friend to me when she wants...i guess.
I called the hot guy from drama today and of course he didn't pick up, probably too busy making out with his on/off GF.
Sometimes i get this feeling that maybe people would be better off if i wasn't around, i mean my dad doesn't think much of me and i am always getting the feeling that maybe i let him down a lot by being the smart, drama one instead of a soccer, sports type of girl who wants to learn how to drive a wicked fast car instead of being driven around like the princess i am.
Then there are my so called friends who seem to pick me up and then drop me again like a hot tamale when it suits them and what they don't realise is that it hurts, it hurts not to belong somewhere anymore, as much as i love it, it's also really difficult.
Maybe i am just feeling a little blue, maybe i am just complaining.
Mothers day was a success and she looked pretty happy so i am glad for that
I reallllllly want to go and see this film "ghosts of girlfriends past" which i think will be pretty cool, anyways, just watched this film "Sweet home Alabama" which was a really cute film.
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